The death by suicide of a United States megachurch pastor has sent shockwaves around the Christian world and has sparked an important discussion on the realities that pastors face and their struggles. 

Inland Hills Church in Chino, California announced the death of their pastor, Andrew Stoecklein, in a social media post on Sunday, August 26. "Inland Hills Church grieves with heavy hearts as our Lead Pastor Andrew Stoecklein was welcomed into Heaven on Saturday night after battling depression and anxiety," the post said. "In his time leading Inland Hills, Andrew reached so many with his warm wit, passionate heart for God, and teaching that always, always pointed others to Jesus. The loving husband, father, son, and friend that he was will continue to inspire us in leading others into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ."

Andrew Stoecklein posted this picture online a few weeks ago with his wife, Kayla, and their three boys. (Instagram)Stoecklein was just 30-years-old, a husband, and a father to three young boys. 

In her own announcement online Stoecklein's wife, Kayla, said that her husband struggled with anxiety and depression. He had just returned to the church two weeks ago after a four-month sabbatical. 

Why would a pastor that seems to have everything struggle so much? It's a question that many people are asking, and it's a reality that Marshall Eizenga says many pastors face alone.

Eizenga is the co-director of Kerith Creek Ministry Retreat Centre in Alberta. Kerith retreat centres are a ministry arm of Focus on the Family aimed at providing retreats for pastors, missionaries, and para-church leaders.

Eizenga works directly with pastors and those in ministry leadership and says there is lots that congregants need to know and understand about their pastors. There's also a lot that they can do to help.

The reality of a pastor:

• Pastors are first responders

"[As a pastor] you end up dealing with people who are in crisis," Eizenga says. While a desire to minister to people is often a reason people get into ministry, it can also become a heavy burden. "You can be overwhelmed by that," Eizenga says. 

While many people might be familiar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, there is also something called Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder (STSD), also known as Compassion Fatigue. STSD occurs from hearing the firsthand accounts of people who have experienced trauma. 

Pastors carry a lot for the people they care for. 

• Pastors feel a pressure to perform

Often pastors have a lot of commitments. There are several meetings a week, pastoral visitations, weddings and funerals to perform. And then, no matter what the week has looked like, there's still the need to preach each week. 

"The pressure to perform and have a sermon every Sunday that's a '10' is, you know, that's a lot of pressure on somebody," Eizenga says. One of the spouses of a pastor that came through the retreat centre called it PMS, he says: Post Message Syndrome. 

"You add into that, things such as church conflict, add into that, you know, if there's disappointment and discouragement that happens on a continual basis." It can be a pressure that becomes too much for many.

• Some pastors feel isolated

Some, or perhaps many, pastors feel isolated. While people come to them and pour their hearts out, pastors can feel as though there's no one that they can talk to. 

"They are there for others but sometimes some pastors can't get past the point that they need somebody to talk to. They need to be able to deal with the situation that's going on in a way that they can pour out their heart to someone. And if they feel that they, you know, have to be strong for everybody else and can't show any weakness that can be devastating on them."

• Dismissing mental health

Though both society and the Church has made great strides in understanding mental health and having open discussions about it, it's still something that can be dismissed at times.

There can still be a culture of keeping the discussion about those in leadership that are experiencing depression under wraps. "The sad part is, is that as soon as you say that there's almost a cone of silence. We don't people to know that they have to take medication for something that's happening biologically . . . so we label people. Instead of saying, 'You know what? People are being treated for all kinds of things. This is something that's beyond this individual's control, they're being treated, and it's working for them.'"

What you can do for your pastor:

• Pray for your pastors and their families

Eizenga says that a woman in his own congregation led by a great example by meeting with his own wife, Mary. The woman relayed how sitting in church one morning waiting for the service to start she started to realize just how many people coming in were dealing with heavy things in their lives. "And then I realized that that service would empty, and more people would come into that sanctuary, and it would fill again," the woman said to Mary. She said that she felt the Lord say to her "I want you to pray, and just pray for protection. And just pray for a covering over them. Would you covenant with me to pray for your pastor and his wife?"

To know that someone in the church saw what the pastoral couple was carrying, and committed to praying for them, meant everything to Mary.

• Allow pastors to be transparent & ask questions

Pastors are human beings just like you, who experience all the same emotions. Allowing them to admit and be open to their own struggles is important for everyone's spiritual and mental health. 

For a church board, Eizenga says, that might mean asking questions and giving the pastor the space to answer freely. Boards are important for helping lead a church, but they're also important in helping protect the pastor. 

"Maybe it's helping pastors understand that there's somebody in the church - or maybe not even in their own church but just somebody outside of the church that they can talk to. And as a person starts to hear their pastor begin to talk in ways that you think, 'Wow, you're really taking a burden on here,' . . . boards need to be listening." Eizenga says that there are often underlying issues in those answers that boards can pick up on and provide space to work towards recovery if needed.

• Be grace-filled

"I think one of the things I would say they can help is people can be more grace-filled," Eizenga says. "Let's not be the first to jump on a pastor or send them a note and say 'I didn't like that yesterday. You know you said this . . .' Let's be a little more grace-filled. And maybe there's some things that need to happen within churches where the kindness level steps up."

Don't ask the pastor how you can help is a great tip from Eizenga. Don't ask "how can I help?" but think through the question and then act on it.