Jess Wood

Since I was 15, I had struggled with anxiety, it was never bad enough that I still couldn't live and function I just basically avoided the things (certain things I felt I couldn't do) and did what I could. Well I hit 23 and I decided to chase my dreams and overcome any fears, so I went to college for Bacholar of fine arts, I always knew I wanted to make a difference, but I did'nt know how, so I thought maybe I could touch peoples hearts through my art. (this was before I was saved) I started school, but the person I dated at the time kept discouraging me and telling me how my dream were foolish and out there, basically.( I wont get into too much detail) So by the time I started taking BFA I was so discouraged, overwhelmed and confused I quit after two weeks. After this I broke up with the person I was with, moved back in with my parents and had to start over. This is when all turmoil broke lose...I had built up in my head before that that I didn't have to let anxiety control my life, and I was determind I could reach my dreams and goals. Well that became a lie to me, I started questioning everything I believed in, and basically at this point I didn't know what to think, what was right anymore, and therefore, I had no idea who I was anymore. Talk about a scary feeling, or what. So I ended up having this increase in social anxiety, I literaly couldn't walk into a grocery store, gas station, just to pay for my gas. (it felt like borderline agoraphobia) I felt like an alien on another planet, nothing felt real, and everything was intense. I was freaked right out, panic and anxiety everyday, some nights I couldn't sleep, I would be afraid of sleeping because I developed a fear of death at the time and I associated sleep with death. I even became anxious around my own family, I felt like maybe they didni't know who I was either(always feeling kind of like the black sheep, or outsider). I tried resisting what was clearly happening to me, but I couldn't fight it. It just got worse, and did it's thing. I got lucky one day and got a job working for my uncle, so I cried the night before, and went to work despite the fears. This former employee at work asked me if I would take him to the doctors, because he didn't want to go alone. So I took him, and after I was dropping him off at home, we started talking about God (dont remember why) and then he invited me in for some lunch and continued the conversation. He then opened up to me about his testimony, and when he did this, I decided to open up about the pain and suffering I was going through on a daily basis. He told me that I didn't have to suffer anymore, and that Jesus could save me(i accepted Jesus into my heart a couple nights later). Jesus came to me like the samaritain woman that day, and he gave me hope back. Hope I didn't have anymore. I've been following God ever since, changing my life, and I'm able to be around people better than before, It was a slow, baby step kind of process, but I have gained strength, I'm more at peace. it's not perfect, I still have my moments of fear and doubt, but God has enabled me to keep going and I believe he's going to continue and finish the good works he started in me, but I will be more whole than I ever have in my entire life. I just wanted to add that a few years before I got saved, I remember sitting alone and feeling like something was missing in my life, but I didn't know what it was. When Jesus came into my life, I knew it was him I was longing for and didn't even realize it. Thank you for listening to my story. Sincerely, Jess